the office quotes funny

The Office quotes funny are a compilation of scripted quotes by a number of cast members who talked a lot of funny, wacky, crazy stuff. You will see quotes from many individuals who have helped propelled the show to 9 seasons. Be sure to also read The Office quotes Michael for more quotes from the show. Feel free to enjoy The Office quotes funny below.

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott

“I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” — Dwight Schrute

“Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” – Jim Halpert

“And I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” – Pam Beesley

“I normally don’t enjoy making people laugh.” – Angela Martin

“I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.” – Kelly Kapoor

“The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is D.M.I. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, Morons, and Idiots. Because that’s what you’d have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.” – Oscar Martinez

“Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick.” – Kevin Malone

“I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he’s stupid.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

“It’s true. Around this office in the past I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.” – Stanley Hudson

“I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.” – Creed Bratton

“A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and um, we all took it really hard.” – Ryan Howard

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” — Michael Scott

“Dwight mercy-killed Angela’s cat.” – Pam Beesley

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott

“Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy.” – Angela Martin

“Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?” – Oscar Martinez

“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott

“I run a small fake-ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the Sheriff’s station.” – Creed Bratton

“I got six numbers, one more and it would have been a complete phone number.” – Kevin Malone

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott

“The man is wearing sandals. I don’t need to see Oscar’s toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.” – Angela Martin

“So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.” – Jim Halpert

“If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.” – Stanley Hudson

“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” — Michael Scott

“Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan’s big project was the website. Which wasn’t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.” – Oscar Martinez

“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael Scott

“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” – Dwight Schrute

“Oh I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

“You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.” – Pam Beesley

It is really crazy and funny the things these characters said though, some are very controversial as well. Many make you go hmmm and pretty much leave you in awe. Nevertheless, I hope you found these quotes very insightful as they dealt with some interesting topics. You can also read The Office quotes Jim for more inspo!